I am completely lost on what to do?

My son is 2 years old now and my daughter is 4 months old today. I am not sure what to do about their dad we have been together for 4 years now and he is starting to have problems dealing with his stress. He is taking it out on me and the kids not physically though. I am worried that one day he might though because that is how he was treated when he was younger. I have tried talking to him about it and he says that yes he will try to stop and that was before christmas and he hasn%26#039;t yet. I am worried if things get to far out of hand that Children%26#039;s Services will take the kids from me. I am not about to loose my kids just because there dad is not able to control his stress. I have talked to my mom about it and she says to leave him because I have to think of the kids and me before I think of him. I have thought about leaving him but I love him alot . I am young mom to boot I am only 20 years old (he is older then me.) Any suggestions?

I am completely lost on what to do?
Stand up to your Husband and tell him if he wants to leave, he can go ahead, but not to turn back, esp. since you said he won%26#039;t accept Counseling. You can%26#039;t change the guy but you can tell him what%26#039;s important to you and you both have the kids to consider. Find out what he wants!





Your Husband needs help with controlling his stress; he can%26#039;t do it alone-----------make him see that if he loves you at all!!!!!!! Tell him straight out, bcuz if you don%26#039;t, and he doesn%26#039;t get some kind of treatment through a Dr. or help, the problem WILL get Physical! Don%26#039;t wait for this to happen, ok?


I%26#039;ve been through IT, and kids get scarred from it and develop problems, so do something for you and your kids, get your Husband to talk to somebody!





20 years old is too young to let your life go by unhappy!





%26quot;Leaving%26quot; a Spouse isn%26#039;t always the answer, ok? You say he has stress now? It would be worse if you just walk away, bcuz he will feel threatened and you DON%26#039;T want to put him on the Defensive, being that you don%26#039;t know what he%26#039;s capable of when he%26#039;s shaken by Stress.








He shouldn%26#039;t be shy about talking to a Dr. There is help for Stress, honest! Doing nothing about it is only going to Compound his stresses!





All he has to do is talk to your Family Dr. and he%26#039;ll know if your Hus. needs a SPecialist, or whatever! As I said, he can%26#039;t manage this on hi own, since you said he takes his problems out on you and the kids!





Please URGE him to talk to a Family Dr. It won%26#039;t be a big deal and there isn%26#039;t anything wrong with admitting when you need help! There are good Drs. out there who can treat Stress. I just got finished with a Stress Mgmt. class and I%26#039;m better for it!








2 Years ago I was all messed up with my emotions until I went to my Dr. and was referred to someone! I%26#039;m glad I did. My life is under control now, and life is happier!








Good luck and don%26#039;t be afraid!
Reply:You are way too young to be stuck in a marriage where your living with a time bomb. Please think more of yourself and your kids! They need you to be strong. I know you love him, but you need to leave. His threat is to make you scared to leave him so he doesn%26#039;t have to deal with it. If you leave and he really does love you he will get the help he needs. Be careful about going back. Good Luck to you!!!
Reply:Screw him and his threats -- leave NOW. The shock just might get him into therapy. Once there he will begin the slow process of learning to deal with stress and the consequences of not being able to handle his anger. Demand counseling before you allow him to speak to you -- go with him if you can because he needs support to conquer this. If he refuses -- then you have your answer.


Sorry...
Reply:Well if he can not pull his head out of his rectum then your relationship is doom. he is not much of a grown up if he takes outside stress and brings it home. tell him to grow up, everyone has stress in there lives, is he working and is there a roof over his head and a bed to sleep in and food on the table???? Tell him to deal with his stress by doing it on his own or getting help but you are not going to put up with his abuse and nor will the kids ultimatum
Reply:Is this just recent that this is happening you say you have been together 4 years and he%26#039;s starting to have problems dealing with stress. Is it his job, is there a gambling debt he%26#039;s into. is he drinking, you haven%26#039;t elaborated. Is it the kids is it you always being out of the picture as your busy with the children. try to find the root of his problem and try helping him solve it. without really knowing what the cause is. its kind of hard to point to one area. do some more fact finding rather than just throwing in the towel as your mother says. If he wasn%26#039;t like this before it could just be that he%26#039;s under alot of stress and by him talking about it to you . you can handle the home life better for him when he gets home. so try finding out what the problem is if he will tell you and open up let him kknow you see him hurting and when he hurts you hurt so you want to help him . and lets hope he takes your help and you two can work this out.





don%26#039;t give up yet. try first in finding out what it is and then work on solving it together.
Reply:Try splittn up for a while maybe he needs to see how he likes or dislikes being alone.Hopefully he would agree to counselling as a condition of getting back together.Good Luck and God bless
Reply:It%26#039;s time to pack up and go home to mom. He sounds dangerous.
Reply:if i were you i would tell him to either go to counseling or end the relationship with him. no man is worth losing your children over. group therepy would be good for the both of you, but he should also go by himself because it sounds like he has a lot of issues he needs to get resolved before he can be a good father and partner. i would go to your moms for awhile and if he loves you and your children enough to become a better person then he will get help for himself. if he doesnt then you and your children are much better off without him. you deserve better then what he is giving you now.
Reply:get both of you in family counciling right away!
Reply:Maybe both of you need a hoby.
Reply:sounds like he wants out but wants you to do the breaking up.leave him its not worth the trouble,your age has nothing to do with it,go home to mom and start over.


seen friends go thru it
Reply:Telling you who you can not talk to is a form of control that many abusers use. The next time he tells you not to talk to your mother, then tell him not to give him anything for you to discuss with her. It is that simple. It is much better that you go TALK to your mother to deal with the stress that he is creating than what HE is doing right now (taking his stress out on you). You do need to think of your kids first. They will witness it and either become like him or learn to accept it like you are doing. Either way is not good. Little girls who are exposed to verbal abuse have lower self esteem and are at greater risk for promiscuous behavior in their early teenage years (which means that they are also at greater risk for STD%26#039;s or pregnancy). Little boys who witness it are much more likely to become abusive themself.





Get out sweetie. You are young and deserve to be treated better. It is scary, but it is a lot better to be poor and happy than supported/rich and miserable. Don%26#039;t waste 9 years of your life like I have.
Reply:Maybe you should take yourself and your children out of the household for awhile. See how you both feel without each other then decided if its worth trying to save. It sounds like he needs some time away from you to understand how bad of a problem it is.
Reply:you are lucky to have a mother who thinks on your, that is what you have to think in your children, what kind of life is that for them,


leave him, accept your mother advice, work, and try to give your children a good education, you are crazy if you love a guy like that, with no control over himself, if he need therapy, first he has tyto take it, an then you will see. But quicky move with your mother before something really bad happen to you or your children, nobodyu knows the reactions of a sick person like your juhsuband. Good luck and congratulation to your mother.
Reply:time to leave or else your kids will suffer more than you know, he was raised like that and now he is raising your kids like that maybe its time to end the cycle





talk to your mom and get some help
Reply:He crossed the line when he threatened you, chuck him out now, get a restraining order etc and move on. He%26#039;s at the point where his %26quot;stress%26quot; will turn violent and you%26#039;ll be the punching bag!
Reply:Get some help from a counselor. You had your first child when you were only 18 and still very young.


I would worry about your husband telling you not to talk to your mom about it. What%26#039;s he afraid of? If you have a feeling that things may get physical (and by the way, his controlling behavior is typical of an abuser), get out before you and your children get hurt. He needs to get a grip on his stress. Exercise is a wonderful stress reliever. Maybe you could suggest working out together. A walk can work wonders, especially if it%26#039;s in a peaceful area. Don%26#039;t talk about your problems during this time though. Suggest he get some help learning how to manage his stress. Good luck to you and your babies.
Reply:how about trying to go see a marriage counselor



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