Help,should I put my daughter in juvenile or boot camp?

Ok,here it is.I have two daughters ages 12 and 8.And I love them very much!But they are driving me crazy!My oldest is so damn mouthy!She tortures me.I do not hit her.And I try hard not to argue with either of them.I know that I am the mother!And people tell me to just beat her ***!But unfortunately,today you can Not do that.Or else the children%26#039;s bureau will get involved.Been there done that!For teaching my kids violence.I know in the good old days,and in the bible.It was and spare the rod and spoil the child.Well,it certainly is NOT that way today.And I also do not believe in beatings.Both my husband and I were raised that way.And it didn%26#039;t change the way we acted.We rebelled.I am gonna start grounding my oldest,and sticking to it!Does anyone else discipline their children this way?And if so did it work for you?My main reason for this question,is to get ideas of ways to discipline and communicate with my almost 13 yr old.I consider myself a good mother.Although,%26gt;

Help,should I put my daughter in juvenile or boot camp?
First of all you must have definite rules about what is acceptable and what is not in your house. Put it in writing. 12 yr olds should not have a broad range of choices in anything--they are still children. These children are looking for boundaries and they don%26#039;t feel they have them. Will they yell and scream--yes, for a while until they know the rules are the rules. Every rule MUST have a consequence for violating it. If you have to take away the cell phone (a 12 yr old does not need one except for emergencies), and the computer (except when you sit with her for homework), her TV, her radio, her CDs, etc. so be it. She can lose it all--she won%26#039;t die. She has to have supervision about where she goes, what she watches and listens to, who she hangs with. To regain control, you will have to take drastic measures---and stick with them until she earns priviledges back--through respect and following the rules.





Now if she gets mouthy stop talking to her. Say to her %26quot;When you can calm down and talk like a young lady I will discuss . . . . . . with you and not until then. If you continue this behavior you will lose . . . or you may not go. . . or you will remain in this house. . . etc%26quot; Hopefully you get the picture.





Until she straightens out and flies right--she should have a strongly structured environment and have her teachers at school and other adults around her follow through as well. Communicate with them and let them know the plan.





There are ways to bring her back. . . Among the suggestions I like are in Dave Ramsey%26#039;s book, Financial Peace. He suggests paying preteens and teenagers a commission (not allowance) for specific chores around the house that they could be responsible for. . making their beds, keeping their room clean, helping with laundry, cleaning, etc. When they follow through pay them an appropriate commission ($ 1.00 a week for making their bed daily, $ 1.00 a week for keeping their room clean, etc.) That way they build up their self-esteem (which this girl does not have), their responsibility level, and their emotional control, because if they choose not to do their choices they don%26#039;t earn their commission.





I could go on and on, but I think you probably get the drift. . . and yes, we discipline our grandkids (and formerly our children) that way.
Reply:They sound like they%26#039;re acting their ages, to tell you the truth. Yes, it%26#039;s hard. It%26#039;s parenting. It would be WAAYYY overboard to put them in boot camp. Especially at their ages.
Reply:many schools offer such things a boot camps or something like them...school system pays for it and everything...here we have a nature camp the kids are sent to, my friends son just went, they are gone for a year minium. talk to the school counselors.
Reply:well there used to be expensive boarding schools for this type of thing ( i have been myself)....but the one i went to closed down. try outward bound for real life experience. i think CEdu is still around (School in LA) there are also other branches off Cedu that do the same thing.





OR heck - put them in their place and if CPS comes and takes them, they will learn how much they want to be with YOU after floating around in foster homes.
Reply:first i have to tell you that there is no law against spanking your child and there is a difference between spanking and beating, no you should beat your child but you should spank them, ground them, take all there personal belongings away and make them stay in there room no matter what or make them spend every spare moment of there life with you, if they want things in life then they have to work for them, as far as being good that is.
Reply:She%26#039;s growing up, seems a little more rebellious than most but it is normal I guess. You may want to look into military school where if she does that they will go insane.





Most likely as they get older, especially the older one, will realize what they are doing and stop. But its your decesion.
Reply:wow..sounds bad! well i am 12 going on 13 too...and im a ***** to my mother. Its just because during that age we feel like cellphones-computers-and friends are the most important things ever. Ur kinda like my mom when she grounds me it never sticks...well shes just doing it cause for some reason during that age we really dont want our mother in out life...idk why..but we just do. i think the best thing is to just get away from her for a lil bit...like one day make an appointment at a salon/spa or somthing have them do ur nails/hair and everything relax a little send her to a friends or somthing for a little bit..just back off her case..try to be as kind as u can...i really wish i could talk to ur daughter....but yeah i think you should do what i said


Hope i Helped (dont give away custody!!!!!)


Good luck
Reply:I%26#039;m sorry... maybe it%26#039;s their school and or babysitter. Maybe it%26#039;s their friends. Maybe you don;t pay enough attention to them so they seek it out anyway they can by bad mouthing, rebelling, etc... I know because I was a neglected teenager once. Try spending more time with each girl individually. Just have a girl%26#039;s night of fun and talk... Like a sleep over. I think you might have to reconnect with them. Focus on what you are doing wrong as a parent first. Then proceed to fix yourself prior to trying to fix a problem that really isn%26#039;t as bad as you think. Juvy and boot camp is more for kids who are frequently breaking the law and getting into drugs, prostitution, shop lifting. I know if I were in your daughter%26#039;s shoes that would just frustrate me even more. Let your daughters know every single day how much you love them. Children are precious... Reconsider yourself, then you can fix what%26#039;s going on.
Reply:You should defiantly ground her and stick with it. It sounds to me like you have been lack in discipline up until now, when things are getting out of control. Start making and enforcing rules, with your younger daughter as well. You don%26#039;t have to hit to correct your children. Just be firm and consist ant. Make rules, explain the rules, enforce the rules. When you ground your children, strictly enforce it, don%26#039;t allow them to watch TV, or talk on the phone. It%26#039;s not always easy, but it has to be done.
Reply:Space bar. Please use it in the future to separate sentences.





And to answer your question, I think they%26#039;d resent you if you did that. I think you should go to a family therapist instead.
Reply:It seems that when a preteen mouths off, it might be because she doesn%26#039;t think she will be heard otherwise. It will take some time to catch on, but let her know you will be more than willing to listen to her if she speaks to you respectfully. Give her chances to give her opinion and on the things that are not of great consquence, give in. Teenagers are often like toddlers, you have to offer them choices and pick your battles.
Reply:what exactly do they do that pisses you off so much? if they get in trouble with the law don%26#039;t bail them out let them go juvi could be a good wake up call for them



Camel